sold the table tonight- gave me a high. before that, i wanted to binge. but there was nothing in the house worth binging on. decided to go out to take my mind off of it. went out to the plaza, wandered around, bought some sake. Went to the craft store, got lots of ideas. Surprisingly enough, bought nothing (proud of myself!). Went to the grocery store, didn't buy anything binge-worthy. Haircolor, nair- thought it'd be a beauty night. Got home, started on the sake. Made a necklace. Kept drinking the sake- and the thoughts came back. ended up walking to the store to buy supplies. came back, put a dvd on, and started. let the games begin! ate, ate, ate til i could feel no more. doritos, ice cream, a pot filled with spaghetti, sticks of butter, grated cheese. the cat watched, ate pasta, licked the cheese container. then, the awful feelings came. all of the sudden, felt as though i was drunk- numb, fuzzy, dizzy, nauseous. wanting to curl up on the floor. wanting to feel the coolness of the tile against my forehead. overloaded, filled with sugar. started to throw up (in a plastic bag) on the kitchen floor. started simultaneously to feel better. the more that came up, the better i felt. it was as if the alcohol hit me all at once, when the food was in my stomach (contradictory, no?). the more heaved, the better felt. burned my nasal passage, but small consolation. vomited until the acid came up. more than once. and my equilibrium was reached. felt so much better... the poison was out of my system.
hope not to die in my sleep.
hope to wake up.
what the fuck.
is wrong.
with me.
?
