Thursday, July 9, 2009

Jumped the gun yet again... *shocker!*


And suddenly, i am utterly exhausted.
it poured this morning- not the most inspiring way to start a new job.
decided to have one beforehand- just this one time.
And i went to work at 10.
By 11 i hav found out that not only is there no option for health insurance, but they also tip out 10-15% per person (having more than one frequently) and apparently i train for free.
"i did 5 doubles, and i don't think i got paid for it"
um, no.
everything is off the books pretty much.
"we write ourselves checks at night- the drawer usually doesn't have enough cash in it"
"we don't clock in"
by 11:30 i was pretty damn upset that i cancelled the bank interview- actually went to the bathroom to beg a reschedule (checkmate, thank god!)
Spent the rest of the morning and part of the afternoon (still pouring and chilly)
fantasizing about where i was going to go afterwards to gorge.
yeah. good day.

politely told them i wasn't going to come back tomorrow.
ended up going nowhere special...

mom was home, lingering. all i wanted to do was be alone.
she finally left.
and i hunted.
they call me the scav.

In the bathroom, 45min later, christening the toilet and picking the crap out of my face.
(first time in over a week!)
totally destroyed.

and so i watch tv.
cable is really a bad influence.
Golden Girls, The Nanny, and *finally* Futurama.

oh, and i hate facebook.
i always jump the fucking gun.
and look what happens?

this is why i hate telling people anything.
something almost always goes awry, and i feel like an ass.

on a lighter note,
i had a great dream this morning
for some reason, about DS.
but it was awesome.
we actually kissed.
and it was great!

i need to meet some people. or go out.
less than 30 days, right ?

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

got a job, yay! right?


fri- :) Sat- :) Sun-X mon- :) tues :) wed :) oh boy! got a job, yay! right? been eating way too much. and no scale! Crap! damn the pb. part of me doesn't want to buy a scale b/c i think it won't help me. but the other part... will curiosity kill this kitty? i have been exercising for an hour a day (3days in counting!) and have only picked at my face once (and only one not attacking!) i fear eating all day... and then at night, i just cannot help myself! its snack after snack... lick here, bite there... whats up w/ condiments?? what is wrong w/ me ? *sigh* least i got a job...

Saturday, July 4, 2009

yay ?


So i left the city on thursday- much later than intended. surprise suprise, there was quite a bit of traffic, but whatever. I wasn't ready to leave before then by any means. Wednesday was spent barfing more than once. Its amazing that it didn't happen thursday, the first day of the drive which i guess could be day #1.
Day #2: dreamed about stopping at a restaurant, gorging and barfing in a matter of minutes. Thought about this for a good 3-5hours. But something kept me together- whoa! yay ?
Day #3.
So my problem is this: i can starve myself all day, no problem. Even eat a sensible dinner. But at night i become Snackie Queen, and i cannot help it! How can i stop eating at night??
i guess i should be happy i went the whole day w/o binging / purging... yay ?
i have no boyfriend, i am currently unemployed, and (for the next month) i live with my parents. i'm 26. fml.
i have no scale! today, at least...
we shall see...